A Touch of Sadness

Hey Blog Friends
I apologise in advance this blog isn't going to be full of fun feel free to stop reading i'm going to attempt to use it to collect my thoughts... you have been WARNED!

This morning i felt the urge to write a blog and here i am though i will make it plain that my head is not full of happy, uplifting thoughts so i really do apologise if this annoys, upsets or offends anyone. I decided to have a look through peoples blogs today so yes guys there are people reading them just in case like me you thought your voice was unheard! It was great to read what you've all been up too but also to read and understand different views of our shared experiences.. you've all been doing loads YAY!

I was saddend to see so many blogs picking up on the lack of attendance in meetings.. i understand this is a big issue for us all because we are a company and should all support each other but (excuse my 'but' it doesnt bring harsh words i promise!) i couldnt help feeling a little hint towards me as i know i do not attend every meeting.. but that is probably just my guilty concience. Then i thought a little more (a dangerous activity for me) is this the way we want people to feel? Is this the best environment for our ideas to flourish and gain momentum? I do not think it is, Mark was so right when he said work with what we have present on that particular day and i can't help thinking if this pressure was taken off people would feel a lot more relaxed in and out of meetings. Ideas could be shared with those who missed the session with the kind of enthusiasm and joy that the bell ringers shared their craft with us.. no malice or accusing finger included just a general want and need to share the information so that we're all working as one. And I am not saying anyone does or doesnt do this.

Emily Lakin our lovely chair wrote a blog that really opened my eyes to the power of a blog; hers was so honest, open and true. Feelings can be collected in these posts and her idea of panic is one we're all feeling right now and i think it's this panic that makes us go round and round in meetings or hold grudges against those who do not show. We're trying to create a grandscale community event involving many people and hopefully one that as Mark has said will continue to work in that community for long after we've left.. one that WILL make Ham house part of its community. I worry that we cannot acheive this fully if we ourselves do not prove to to be a community and if we let panic win. These are our aims and if we continue to move forward making and learning together then i do not see how we can fail.

I know my contributions are small and i cannot apologise enough for the meetings i do not attend unfortunately a tragic event over christmas took away my ability to give 110% but i do not not attend for any reason other than at those times i simply cannot do it. We are getting somewhere it may be too fast for some and yet too slow for others but i think the real battle now is working on ourselves as a company so that when we preach about the importance of community.. we know what we say is true because we've practiced it.

A long blog i know but i want to reassure people that this blog isnt an attack on people or occurances but really a way to structue my thoughts... i now realise at the end that despite all our problems and maybe small numbers of people attending we are amking progress and this is what is most uplifitng. Last night many good decisions we made and if anyone wants me to let them know what the missed i'd be happy too. We're making progress with the mexican night... games is the word of the day so guys any ideas for free games we can charge a small fee for? I'v found how to make a pinata, its really simple anyone want to give me a hand?!

We're getting there!